My son is of an age where a lot of things get partially mimicked, imitated, or replicated perfectly while simultaneously being taken completely out of context. He is almost constantly reminding me of why I need to keep the language in the household to a G-rating. Everything that I say can and will be used against me when I least expect it, and generally when there are witnesses to see me blush. I learned this lesson a number of years ago, and have been careful to keep my vocabulary limited to things that are not overly difficult to clarify if need be.
Back when Horse was a toddler, she was my lone companion on most of my shopping excursions. She learned quickly how irresponsible drivers irritated me. The first time a guy cut me off and I heard a tiny voice from the back of the car say, "Bad driver!" I realized that my little parrot would repeat anything I said. Thankfully, the worst thing I had done at that point in time was to waggle my index finger in a scolding manner and call those reckless folks bad drivers.
By the time Horse entered preschool, she was parroting back a lot of my vocabulary. I still remember her teacher's giggles when she told me that a three-year-old Horse would start off an explanatory sentence with, "Apparently, such-and-such just happened." The teacher had never heard a child that age use the word "apparently" before my kidlet entered her class.
By the time Rooster joined in the fun, she learned to scold drivers who were trying to run us off the road while we were pedestrians in the middle of crosswalks. "Way to go, buddy," spoken sarcastically by a three-year-old with her hands on her hips and glaring at someone who just ran a stop sign reminded me again why I should just keep my fool mouth shut. My toddler might think that the driver is just being stupid, but I am only too aware of how dangerous people can be behind the wheel of a car, particularly if they happen to have a handgun in the glove compartment. I do not trust people, and the last thing I want to do is give someone belligerent and potentially unstable an excuse to come after a mother trying to walk her three small kidlets to school. It was a bit of a relief that Rooster had speech delays that probably prevented the drivers from comprehending her scolding.
By this stage in the game, I direct my commentary on other people's driving skills, or lack thereof, to a dialog with my kidlets about how it does not really matter who has the right of way, because in the argument between a person and a car, the car will always win. We talk about what the law states in terms of who has the right of way, and I've already threatened to take away their future driver's licenses should I ever find out they have talked on a cell phone, texted, or not yielded the right of way to pedestrians while my kidlets are driving. They might be only four, six, and nine, but I figure it cannot hurt to mention such a dire threat already. They now recognize that the drivers we see are not behaving safely, and know that they are expected to do better than that or not be allowed to drive at all. At least this way, I'm not muttering sarcastic and repeatable commentary to the very drivers that were trying to run us over.
Despite my awareness of the kidlets' mimicry, Pig Jr. has never shown any desire to repeat what I say to careless drivers. That was always his sisters' domain. However, he picks up on other things that I say. I have heard his little voice exclaim "dagnabit", "daggum", "oh, man", and "harrumph". I have yet to hear him repeat "sissa-frassa", probably because he still has issues with pronunciation, but I'm sure it is only a matter of time before he pipes up with that grumbled comment.
The worst part is that my son uses those G-rated oaths correctly. He has completely and utterly picked up on their use to vent frustration over a situation that is less than perfect. I can almost picture him telling his preschool teacher, "But dagnabit, I don't wanna clean up now!" I just know this is going to get me in trouble someday, and I am trying to be even more conscientious about making sure that my expletives are as kid-friendly as can be.
I am positive that there will come a point where my kidlets will repeat something that has been uttered that should never, ever, under any circumstances be repeated. Either they will mention that someone looks like they have gained weight or is losing hair, looks hideously ugly in that shade of green, or they will come up with a particular word or phrase that was certainly not something they could ever have learned from me. I am sure I will turn beet red and stammer apologies to the offended parties, but I want to go on record to state that I am doing my best to make sure that when they repeat something I've said, it is relatively innocuous. Dagnabit.
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