A Shorts Story

I love long jeans. They are such a wonderful invention. Denim is an amazing fabric with the capability of protecting one's legs while being durable enough to withstand a decent number of bumps and scrapes. If you're as clumsy as I am, this is a very big deal. Denim can be dyed in a number of colors, although random blue shades remain my favorites. I would have gladly worn jeans to my own wedding, had Pig agreed to such a thing. Sadly, he did not. I am still somewhat hostile about being made to wear a dress to that event.

For most of my life,  I wore shorts all summer long. I honestly cannot remember the point at which I stopped doing so in favor of wearing jeans. It was probably around the same time that I discovered the joys of pregnancy-triggered varicose veins. Once the kidlets were born, I continued covering up my legs so that they would not play with all those nasty bumpy veins. ("Look, Mommy! I can make these blue lines jump up and down!") It was not until the year before last, when the kidlets were 7, 4, and 2 when I finally succumbed to the heat and traded my favorite long jeans for shorts. By that point, my kidlets were surprised to discover that I had skin from the knees down. I think they assumed my legs were actually made out of denim.

After so many years of wearing long jeans during the summer months, it felt exceedingly weird to be wearing shorts. I was incredibly self-conscious about it, especially since I was constantly shooing my kidlets away from my legs. ("Stop poking at my veins!" "But Mommy, they make cool road maps!") I was happy to feel a bit cooler, but hated the sensation of mosquitoes and other flying pests bumping into me. When I gained a few pounds and outgrew the shorts, I gratefully returned to my long jeans.

This year, the weather has been somewhat wacky. We get it really hot, then it cools down, then it rains for a week, then it boils again, and then it cools down. My state does humidity quite well, so when it gets hot, it feels even hotter than it is. After one of the heat waves, I decided I would keep my eye out for shorts in my newer size. As much as I love my jeans, they just are not practical when it's ninety-five degrees, humid, and I am trying to do physical labor around the house. I had also sacrificed a pair of jeans for use as painting clothes, so I was down to just a couple of pairs that could be worn out in public. I was going to have to buy something to wear anyway.

Today, I found the perfect pair of shorts for me. They go down to the knees, which is good since I never had the body to justify short shorts. They have a nice, elastic waist so I can still move around easily for all the tasks around the house that have to be done. The best part is that they have these silly little ties so they can be adjusted. The ties are at knee-level and around my waist. I am hoping the knee-level ties will serve as a distraction so the kidlets will go after them instead of aggravating my poor varicose veins. I am keeping my uber-baggy tee shirts, so the waist-level ties should, in theory, remain hidden from view.

I know it probably seems odd that I would put so much thought into not only purchasing shorts, but also in writing about them afterwards. But given how fickle the weather has been lately, I figure I need to say something to prove I own shorts. Knowing my luck, it probably will be freezing from here on out.