Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock

"Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock, shoot!" There are days when I hear this combination of words often enough that they continue to ring through my head even after the kidlets are all sound asleep. Someone, possibly Pig, taught my three little darlings a manner in which to compete even when there was no real need to determine a winner. I had never even heard of such a game before my kidlets' nonstop chanting.

For those that do not know, and I was one of them until quite recently, the game is basically the same as Rock-Paper-Scissors, except it has a few extra ways to win or lose. Rock still crushes scissors and covers paper. Scissors still cut paper. Rock can now also crush lizard and get vaporized by Spock. Paper disproves Spock, which I find highly entertaining, but can be eaten by lizard. Personally, I think a goat would be a better option to eat paper, but no one consulted me in this game's creation. The scissors can decapitate lizard but have to watch out for Spock, who smashes them. That poor lizard has the ability to poison Spock, but that seems like a fairly pathetic attack when compared to decapitation or being smashed to bits.

The hand gestures that go along with this little game are not as clear as I would like, either. You make a fist for rock and put your hand flat for paper. You use your fingers to pretend to cut something when making scissors. Lizard reminds me of someone trying to control Kermit the Frog, and I keep wanting to pipe up with "Live long and prosper," when someone attempts the Spock sign. My younger two kidlets are unable to properly form a v while holding their index and middle fingers together and ring and pinky fingers together to try and form Spock's sign. That's almost irrelevant when you consider that they argue over which hand signal beats which other ones. It's pretty much a moot point whether you can do the gestures properly when you don't even know which ones win each time you call, "Shoot!"

Naturally, what with not being able to properly play this game, my kidlets have decided that it needs to be a constant occurrence in our house. Not a day goes by when I don't hear, "Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock, shoot!" at least twice before breakfast, numerous times if we drive anywhere, and have even been known to just use the hand gestures at one another when they have already been warned that Mommy does not want to hear it again today.

I suppose I should be grateful that the kidlets have found something to do to occupy themselves when they would normally be squabbling with one another. However, I find myself scolding the kidlets who are turning around in the car just to hope their lizard beat someone else's paper. Not for nothing, sitting properly in the car is more important to me than them winning another round of a game, but they need to be reminded that their safety comes before determining who crushed whom. I also find it difficult to concentrate on driving when I am hearing, "Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock, shoot!" for the seven billionth time in a row.

Because of its unusually distracting tendencies, I have decided to make my own gesture to add to this little game. It's our house rules for the game, so no one needs to do the same thing unless they are playing along with my kidlets. I simply hold up one hand, with a fist created out of everything but my extended index finger. I shake my hand in that universally accepted gesture of scolding where you waggle your forefinger at someone else, and I call out, "Mommy!" You see, Mommy throws out rock, recycles paper, puts scissors away, returns lizard to the wild, and tells Spock he's worn out his welcome. Mommy wins.