Musical Malaise

A number of years ago, I loved to watch a particular movie. I was severely depressed at the time, dealing with some of the lowest self-esteem known to humankind, and for whatever reason found some sense of peace when watching that movie.

Nowadays, that movie only serves to remind me of a rather dark time in my life. You could not pay me enough to sit through it ever again, and even listening to its soundtrack is enough to turn me into a quivering mass of self-loathing. Unfortunately, its theme song is one that my daughter's piano teacher absolutely loves.

The end result of the love affair between my daughter's piano teacher and this particular song is that I have had to listen to this song being played daily for the past couple of months and counting. I now dread the time of day when my daughter practices the piano because it will force me to listen to a song that conjures up an emotional state of being that I never wanted to deal with again.

I had once read about the dangers of light therapy when not under the care of a licensed therapist. If memory serves, this was in a book called too loud too bright too fast too tight by Sharon Heller, Ph.D. I had been reading up on sensory issues, and this book was recommended to me as being one of the few books out there, if not the only one, that deals with this subject in adults. It was mentioned that light therapy can benefit those adults with sensory issues, but it can trigger memories or repressed emotions that are unexpected, and should therefore be used solely in conjunction with therapy.

Before reading about that topic, it had never occurred to me that certain lights could possibly trigger anything. I knew that fluorescent lighting makes life miserable for me, but I had not put any thought to what that really meant. Thinking about it now, I believe that music also has the same capability, except in an auditory manner instead of visual. Sounds impact on our senses in a different manner than light does, but they can still trigger a wide variety of emotions and memories.

Well, I certainly now know just how badly one song can impact on my daily routine. Heck, I'm wondering whether I need a therapist just to weather the daily piano practicing. The second I recognize the tune, I feel absolutely horrible. I want to just crawl into a hole and hide there until Doomsday. The song itself is quite melodious and should, in theory, be relaxing. My reaction to it is not.

My daughter knows nothing about how this song grates on my every last nerve. She knows I am not fond of the music since I once slipped up and told her that music was not my favorite of all her pieces and had been glad her teacher finally thought she mastered it. Little did I know her piano teacher would then ask her to continue to practice it so they could play it together as a duet. I know it is important to encourage her to practice so she grows with her natural talent at the keyboard. I just don't have a clue how to fake liking it enough so she does not develop her own issues with the song.