The Tooth Fairy is pretty good, in my kidlets' opinions. After hearing a bit about the glories of that amazing creature, I started thinking about what sort of fairies I would love to have come visit my house, provided I was still believing in fairies as an adult. Here are the ones I came up with in the first few minutes of following that train of thought:
Laundry Fairy: Seriously, what parent would not want someone to come in, wash the massive amounts of laundry piling up, dry it all, fold it, iron it, hang it up, whatever needs to be done, and then put it all away? Naturally, the Laundry Fairy would also have to locate any and all missing socks, find every last little bit of dirty clothing that has been hidden under beds or behind dressers, and never, ever put a red shirt in with the white wash. Being able to remove stubborn stains and patch tears would be an added bonus.
Dust Fairy: Special talents include complete removal of fingerprints and stick-figure drawings in the dust on the furniture, removal of breeding pairs of dust bunnies, and cleaning out underneath the fridge. The Dust Fairy would also be responsible for cleaning up tumbleweed-style hairballs when pets shed, keeping the space under the beds and behind the couches clean, and making sure no streaks appear on the television screen after working her magic.
School Lunch Fairy: Every night, I would love to put out the empty lunch boxes and wake to see them filled with delicious, nutritious, allergy-safe foods for my kidlets to eat at school. I think of the School Lunch Fairy as the healthy, practical Easter Bunny for every day.
Caffeine Fairy: Overtired? Threatening to yawn wide enough to split your head in two? Have no fear! The Caffeine Fairy is here! She will wave her magic wand and caffeine will start coursing through your veins immediately. The Caffeine Fairy also should have the ability to establish a caffeine IV-drip for those days when you both look and feel like the walking dead.
Junk Food Fairy: My personal favorite of the fairies has to be this one. Whenever you have a craving for an unhealthy snack, it would magically appear in either a coat pocket, on a kitchen shelf you have not explored for a while, or on a specially designated empty plate set out for the express purpose of holding the Junk Food Fairy's gift to you. She should have the ability to tell exactly which type of junk food you are craving. Hungry for some potato chips? Have a hankering for something deep-fried? Desperately craving sweets? No problem! The Junk Food Fairy knows exactly what you want. She even has the ability to work with the Caffeine Fairy in producing certain gifts, such as chocolate, which technically falls under both of their domains.
School Project Fairy: I strongly suspect every parent of school-aged kidlets would love a visit from one of these. The second a kidlet brings home a project to complete, the School Project Fairy will handle it all. Every single, little, obnoxious item that needs to be purchased will be located, every step of assembly completed with the student doing all of the work, and the School Project Fairy will even deliver the final project to school the morning it is due. There will be no arguments over what to do, no fighting over when to stop procrastinating and start working, and certainly no whining over having to carry the finished project to school without help.
Dryer Vent Fairy: This fairy exists solely because I have no idea how to properly clean out the dryer vent, and I hate to nag my husband to do it for me. I also hate fire hazards, so it does need to be done regularly. It would be so much better if the Dryer Vent Fairy took care of it all for us!
Landscaping Fairy: The Landscaping Fairy mows grass, trims around edges, cuts back overgrown shrubbery, removes fallen leaves and branches, and pulls offending weeds. Even better, the Landscaping Fairy takes care of all of this silently at night while we all sleep, so no one has to spend their days listening to the grating sounds of weed wackers, lawnmowers, chainsaws, and leaf blowers. Peace and quiet can once more reign supreme in neighborhoods worldwide. Whether you choose to fill that quiet with the sounds of screaming kidlets and arguing with your neighbors is up to you.
Allergy Fairy: The Allergy Fairy puts an invisible protective bubble around allergy sufferers. She washes all of the bedding daily, with help from the Laundry Fairy, in hot water to kill pollens, dust mites, and pet dander. She enlists the help of the Dust Fairy to make sure the allergens do not take over the hard surfaces in a house. She soothes irritated throats, calms sneezing noses, improves itchy eyes, and removes hives from anyone currently suffering from those symptoms. She works with the School Lunch Fairy and Junk Food Fairy to ensure no one suffers from food allergies.
Homework Fairy: The Homework Fairy sits with kidlets who refuse to settle down and do their stinkin' homework already. She has the capability to make them quiet down and concentrate, along with the ability to have them do their best and not rush. She can locate any and all supplies that are necessary for the completion of assignments. Additional abilities include being able to teleport forgotten homework either to or from school, as needed. Any homework that is sent home for parents to complete, such as permission slips and back-to-school forms, will be automatically completed as per the parents' wishes, and without having to bother the parents at all, unless the parents actually want to complete the forms themselves.
I am sure there are many other fairy-types that exist solely in the imagination of overworked, stressed, or otherwise overtired parents. It's too bad that believing in them does not make them real.
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