Why marriage?

A friend of mine, perhaps in a bout of frustration with her husband, asked why on earth people want to get and stay married these days. Given the fairly dismal statistics surrounding marriage, I can see why someone would pose that question. I am unable to speak for the masses, but I have no problem detailing why I want to be married, and specifically why I want to be married to my husband.

My husband is my best friend. I never felt as if a part of me was missing before I met him, but I still somehow felt complete once we were together. He does not understand me all of the time, but he is the one person to whom I feel comfortable baring my soul. He knows that I am not serious when I threaten to run away and join the circus. He has stuck with me through the births of our three children, including the massive hormonal swings, my inability to stomach the smell of coffee (his lifeline in the wee morning hours) while pregnant, all the ick that is associated with the actual childbirth part, and postpartum depression. He alone understood what it meant to our family when I suffered a miscarriage. He and I are building our family together, and are working together as a team. We help each other up when we are down and rejoice in each other's achievements.

My husband and I have had the dubious distinction of having circumstances where we were concerned that one of us was dead or dying. We know the fear associated with facing one's own mortality and not knowing whether we would ever see each other again. We know the relief when our worst fears do not come to pass. It is at those moments when I most appreciate my husband and his role in my life. How could I not feel gratitude for every moment we are allowed together? Life is far too short as it is.

My husband and I know that neither one of us is perfect. What human is? We have both said hurtful things to one another, and have struggled with the ability to forgive such things. We have both had our moments of extreme stupidity and done things we later came to regret. Some of those hurts were done accidentally and others were intentionally. Regardless, we do our best to make things as right as we can once we wise up and realize what we have done.

Love is a choice. It is an active decision that must be made constantly. We choose to love one another, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. We choose to love one another when we are cranky and tired. We choose to love and take care of one another when we are miserably ill. We choose to love each other even when we would really love to thwack the other person upside the head for their stupidity. Our choice to love, in fact, prevents such an actual thwacking from occurring.

Now could we do all of this without the legality of marriage? Sure we could, and plenty of people do. We married one another to make a legal point about our level of commitment. That simple piece of paper, that marriage certificate, proves to the world that we are in this thing together. It is a contract, pure and simple. There are legal ramifications of trying to break that contract. Our partnership is recognized in courts of law, should there be a need to prove it. I took his name as my own method of announcing our contract to the world, and I sure as heck would not give it up without a fight.