Dear Fellow Snorers,
Howdy. My name is Murphy. (Hi, Murphy!) I wanted to give a bit of a testimonial today about the history of snoring in the Brawn household. For some odd reason, that has cropped up quite a bit in recent history, most recently in a discussion with Pig Jr.'s Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor as he tries to figure out what is causing my son's repeat sinus infections. My son rarely snores, so that's not the issue with him, but it sure got me thinking about snoring.
I am one of those lucky souls who winds up having to take allergy medicine pretty much every day of the year. Congestion should have been my middle name. I have been told by the man I love that I snore on occasion. He, of all people ought to know snoring when he hears it: My husband is a champion snorer. Actually, I suppose I should properly state that he once was a champion snorer. Those days are long gone, much to my immense relief. Want to hear how that happened? Well, tough. I'm going to tell you anyway.
A number of years ago, I got very little sleep at night. My husband would snore loud enough to wake the dead. Naturally, this meant I would wake up since we don't typically have any dead in our room with us. After an earth-shattering snore, Pig would often stop breathing for a number of seconds. I would poke him in a panic, telling him to wake up, start breathing, and roll his sorry snoring self to face away from me. Eventually, I started bothering him about his snoring during my waking hours, and by that I mean "daytime", not "whenever his stinkin' snoring woke me up." He agreed to go for a sleep study, probably because it would be cheaper than divorce court or building an addition on the house for him to have his own room.
To make a long story even longer, Pig was diagnosed with sleep apnea. He has had a special machine that forces air into his nose while he sleeps so that his breathing will continue as it should, and not have those long pauses where he wasn't breathing. Sleep apnea is not pretty, folks. It causes all sorts of nasty problems. If you don't believe me, go research it. (Google and other search engines are our friends these days, no?) But once the apnea was addressed, the snoring stopped. Yay, science!
Since Pig's miraculous cure from snoring, I've learned a few things about it. First, if your partner says you are snoring, take them seriously. He or she is not going to lie about being woken up by your nocturnal trumpeting. Secondly, if your listening buddy hears long pauses in your breathing, get thee to a doctor! Third of all, getting snoring addressed by the proper medical professional BEFORE your loved one puts a pillow over your face is much better than offering him or her the chance to spend a number of years behind bars. Just trust me on this one.
Sincerely,
Murphy Brawn
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